An open letter to Matt Damon

20041020.003

Hat tip to Boston Herald


Mr. Damon,

I spend money to see films and I collect DVD’s. I pay to see the product you put out. That money goes to the people that have paid you to be in their films. In effect I AM YOUR BOSS. To that end I am issuing you and your Hollywood friends a directive. Please disseminate this memorandum to all your fellow employees in Hollywood.

No one cares about your politics. We pay to see you act, to be in action films, to get shot, blown up, to get cheated on, to have your heart broken, to recover and survive. You see we have to do real work in our lives and when we employ you we are asking that you give us a few hours of entertainment so we may rest and unwind from having to constantly worry about our rent, mortgages, how much our kids education is costing, how to pay the grocery bill and the like. When you blather on about who you THINK would be a better president you only make us angry and give us less and less options on what movies we see. You see, when you drone on about how bad it is in America while raking in your millions that I have paid you, I get upset. I always have the discovery channel or better yet blogging and get this…BOOKS. I do not need you or your services and if you continue to perform in a sub par manner I will be forced to let you go as I will no longer require your services. In other words I will no longer pay to see you in any movie.

The reason I bring this issue up with you is that I was recently made aware of an offer you made to pay someone (it was not defined who) one million dollars to get John Kerry in the white house. Please stop uttering such disinteresting dribble immediately as you are making your employers nauseous.

I thank you for your attention in this matter and hope that your employee performance improves drastically as we enjoy having you as an employee and only wish you great success in your employment.


Scott A. Ryan

UPDATE 1

Brian B. at Memento Moron: Remember, Thou Art Stupid has some comments to this subject. I highly reccomend you check them out here.